Unholy Intervention: Legend of the LOL's

Jeff, still flying, switched songs. "I believe I can fly... / I believe I can touch the sky..."

Before he could finish the verse, Jeff heard the sound of a Nevermore roaring above him.

Jeff pinched the bridge of his nose. "Excuse you! I am SINGING here!"

At that point the Nevermore made its first critical mistake - diving directly at him. As its shadow fell over him, Jeff looked up, gauging the distance and speed of the approaching Grimm. Acting quickly, he folded his own wings and entered into a shallow dive to give him enough speed to just pull slightly ahead of where he'd been before quickly extending them again, catching the air and pulling himself up, just as the Nevermore shot through the space where he would have been. Hard-light chains sprang into being as he looped them around and across the thing's beak, using that anchor as leverage to pull himself back and against its spine.

Okay, situation review: standing on back of Edgar Allen Poe's fever dreams given form, with hard-light reins. Mount acquired. "Welp, that's getting crossed off the bucket list!" Jeff yanked the chains up and to one side, trying to pull the Nevermore out of its dive and get it to fly towards the north side of the forest.

"You know, the temple is in the north."

"I KNOW WHERE I'm GOING!"

"Really? Is that the reason we're walking south east? Towards a beowulf nest? In the far corner of the forest?"

Wiess turned on her heel and glared at Mark "Oh you insufferable-!"

"Hey check it out Jeff's riding a Nevermore." Mark commented completely ignoring Wiess.

***

"Nice crater hot stuff," said a voice near nick.

Said god in hiding turned to see Yang sitting in a tree. She winked at him with a grin.

"HI-HO SILVER, AWAAAAAAAAAAY!!!" echoed from high above Weiss and Mark.

"Agh mmh. Ahh, well to be honest this was supposed to be plan b." Nick stammered over the fact the the Girl just winked at him a blinked before he was able to finesh that sentence. 'Ok ignore that moving on.'

He then proceeded to bend the earth around him and created a narrow staircase for him to get out. As well as getting all the soil and bedrock off of him.

"... Is he-."

"Yes."

"... On a Nevermore."

"Yep."

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO CASUAL!?"

"Lady, this doesn't even rank in the top ten craziest things Jeff has done."

***

Nora glanced behind her at the tree "Oh that? No that wasn't my landing, I just wanted to hit a tree by the way was that huge loud sound from you? I figured I had to ask because you're blind you see with sound so I think that I can assume what kind of word is that by the way? It's spelling literally makes an ass out of you and me anyway you were saying?"

***

Yang whistled "Nice trick."

"What I was saying was I guess we're partners now, the whole eye contact thing is a bit tricky so I'll just stick with you." Kon says, tapping his glasses.

"And yes, the sound came from this." Kon twirls Oto like a baton for a second.

Jeff was having a lot of fun so far, though he still didn't see what was up north that was so important. Ah well. The Nevermore growled and tried to twist off course again - the god in disguise rolled his eyes and yanked it back to his chosen path. Stupid bird.

Now this Ncik could handle. Complements he could take flirting not so much. "Yes semblance wise it's not the flashiest or destructive. It's just the subtle change, of turning one thing into another. I'm Nick by the way."

"Does it shoot other things?" Nora asked.

***

"You can call me anything hot stuff." Yang said.

"Well, other than the concussive sound which you heard earlier, it can also do this. Observe." Kon holdsu p his wrist, showing a cut on it from his fall. Kon takes Oto and thumps it against the ground, and a low, bassey hum was heard, Oto began glowing green and within seconds, the cut on Kon's wrist was gone.


"I can mend wounds with it as well. "

A minute or so later Jeff was running out of flight songs. That was the bad news.

The good news was that Stonehenge as rendered by the art designer of Skyrim was up ahead, and since everything else was a bunch of trees Jeff decided that was probably where the relics were. He shifted his weight forward, forcing his erstwhile mount (let's call him Jim) to enter a shallow dive, spilling air from his wings as he ferried his divine rider around in a spiral once, twice, and then was at landing height.

In lieu of pressing a red ejector seat button, Jeff stamped hard on the back of the bird's neck, forcing it down prematurely so it slammed bodily into the ground. Releasing the chains, he snatched Advent of Thunder from his back and leaped forward, bringing the blade down in a broad sweep that smashed right through the bird's armored feathers to slice right through the neck. The motion from it carried him on into a spin, letting him look even more awesome when he made his inevitable three-point landing.

Since he'd beaten everyone else there, he stood posed like that for a second before getting up and dusting his pants off. "Aaaaand a ten on the dismount. Booyah."

Nicks response was to open his mouth to speak.

...

And leave it open wordlessly for a bit before simply closing it. Having it closed and beginning to breath through his nose again Nick let his arms limply fall to his side.

"I'm sorry I don't think i heard that right so i'm going to ignore it. Restarting however do you want to start Introduction over or simply start heading north?

"Ooohhhh!" Nora "That's so cool! Can you heal anything? What about limbs? Sandwiches? Buildings? KITTENS?!"

***

"I give it an eight." Mark commented.

"What?"

"Oh don't worry about it."

***

In the temple straight out of Skyrim, Jeff could see that there were podiums displaying large chess pieces. Probably the relics that Ozpin talked about.

***

Yang rolled her eyes "Yang, nice to meet you."

"In that order, yes, yes, probably, maybe, and of course. " Kon says, counting off the answers on his hand as he says them.

"How do you fix sandwiches? Are you some sort of god?"

Jeff walked over, debating the merits of taking all the relics and flying back just to screw with the system...nah. He liked most of the people he'd met so far and didn't want to screw them over all that badly.

+1 black rook.

Tossing the relic into the air and catching it, he strode over to the headless Nevermore corpse. It was disintegrating - they really were budget titans. The god-in-hiding cleared his throat and stood in what he believed to be an official pose. "Here lies Jim. He smelled kinda bad, and I didn't really know him all that long. Also wasn't as intimidating as I was promised. But he was a good kid. Played a mean accordion. Or a harmonica. Can't remember which. He will be missed...eh, well, insofar as he can be, I guess. Which is all that you can really hope for."

There. Eulogy over, time to wait and see if everyone else had partnered up while he was busy having a very productive day. With a wave of his hand, Jeff conjured up a hard-light lawn chair and sat down.




After a few minutes he picked it up and moved it into the shade of one of the stone pillars.

"Well I guess I can fix up a mean BLT." Kon says, making himself cringe at how bad that joke was.

"What does BLT stand for?" Nora asked "Is it one of those things that Ren told me not to look up on my scroll?"

***

It took a few minutes, but Mark finally got Wiess to start walking North. Thankfully, the two of them had yet to run into any Grimm so the walk was done in utter silence. Which was fine for Mark, he always liked walking in silence, helped him clear his head. But his thoughts were interrupted when he turned his head towards a huge crash in the distance.

"What was that?" Weiss asked annoyed.

"Probably Jeff," Mark commented "He probably 'landed' his nevermore."

Wiess groaned at Mark's joke and at this point, the god in hiding was ready to ask "What? Don't like jokes?"

The snow queen stopped walking, nearly making Mark run into her. She turned on her heel and pointed an accusing finger at him "Are you capable of taking any situation seriously?"

Mark shrugged "Depends on the day. If its Monday you really have no chance of getting me to do an-."

Wiess threw her hands in the air "There you go again! Your response to everything is jokes and snark!"

"As apposed to deadpanning everything and doing my best infomercial impression."

Wiess looked ready to strangle Mark, but she settled on turning around and trudging off. Mark let her go three steps before saying "That's East you know."

"Oh that is it!" Wiess screamed "Why do I have to get stuck with you!?" she screamed to the heavens.

"Cause Ozpin's a secret troll and enjoys watching the pain of others?"

***

Glynda glanced at the headmaster beside her. Ozpin raised an eyebrow "What? He's not wrong."

***

"I am an elite warrior!" Weiss screamed "I should have gotten someone like Pyrrha! She would be an actual partner who could actually do something!"

"Wowowowow!" Mark said "I don't have the best hearing, but I think that was a comment on how I'm useless."

Wiess looked at Mark like he was an idiot "Finally, something gets through that thick skull."

"Wow that's the closest to damage you've done since we've known each other."

Mark walked up and playfully clapped Wiess on the shoulder "Don't worry, I'm more than capable of holding my own. And I'm sorry for the poor sap that makes me go all out."

Weiss scoffed "Yeah right, I doubt you could hit the broad side of an airship with th-." Weiss stopped when she notice that Mark had taken Devastator off his back and was eyeing Weiss with an almost murderous intent. For some reason, every voice in Weiss' head screamed for her to run and it might have been her imagination, but she thought she saw the clouds part under Mark.

In an instant, Mark rushed forward and swung devastator over Weiss cutting the lunging beowolf in half. The corpse fell to the ground on either side of Weiss with a clunk and the heiress turned in a cold sweat finally noticing the pack of wolves sprinting towards her. She unsheathed her rapier, but Mark was already rushing passed her towards the Beowulfs. In the small space between them, Mark suddenly stopped and activated his Semblance in his hand.

An orb roughly the size of an apple appeared in his hand, and he slammed it into the ground. The second it touched the ground it cause a fissure that cracked and tore apart the ground like it was as brittle as charcoal. Both the beowolves and Weiss stumbled and fell to the ground. As they were falling, Mark closed the remaining distance and instead of using his weapon, he punched the first beowulf so hard it exploded into a fine mist. The rest of the pack didn't have time to get up as Mark tore through them with one earth shattering blow after the other. When there was only one remaining, Mark simply pointed a finger at the monster and snapped. From the tip of his index finger, a string of explosions shot out and engulfed the wolf. It was dust in an instant, and the land around Mark was transformed into an open plain. Only the spot where Weiss sat stunned was untouched.

Mark turned to his partner and pointed in a different direction "North's that way."

Weiss just nodded and almost robotically got up and started following Mark through the forest.

A series of explosions sounded in the distance. "Well someone's having more fun than me..." Jeff groused.

"It's basically a sandwich consisting of bacon, lettuce and tomato. It's quite good. Say, shouldn't we head towards the temple Ozpin told us about?"

Nora blinked "Oh yeah I almost forgot about that don't worry about walking I have a ride."

Nora sped into the forest and for some reason Kon could hear construction sounds for a few seconds before Nora came back riding an Ursa "I have best riding pet."

She smiled at herself before patting a spot where Kon could get on. The ursa moaned in a 'please kill me' kind of way.

"Well that's one way to do it." Kon says, vaulting up with Oto and landing behind Nora. "Hi Ho Silver!"

Five minutes had gone by. The forest was peaceful - no explosions, Jim's corpse was gone, no gunshots, just the sound of rustling leaves and birdsong.

"Usdammit I am so booooored..."