SAO: Gamebreakers

Jeff still missed the nonverbal. "I dunno, I'm not good with the feelsy stuff. Ask Nick."

Asuna turns around about to speak and sees nick scratching the back of his head with his hand standing a little to close to her. she uncomfortably takes a step back, she then noticed that she backed closer to Jeff so she awkwardly shuffled to the side and said questioningly. "Your the feelsy one."
"Not really but more that anyone here because i'm the most compassionate." nick says still scratching.

"Then what songs can you play that would actually work?' she said slowly turning her head to look at Jeff.

Jeff resisted the urge to blurt out A Complete History Of The Soviet Union As Told Through The Eyes Of A Humble Worker. Funerals were serious business. "Super SRS..." he muttered to himself. "What about Home, by Daughtry? That's what I'd play at my funeral."

"Not you. You had your chance. Nick what would you play?"

"Well, you don't want to give them a proper military funeral and treat them more like friends rather than solders?"

"That would be nice of you."

"Ok then i would recommend “Satisfied Mind” – Jeff Buckley or if you think they died young and lost loved ones, then you can't go wrong with the “Blower’s Daughter” – Damien Rice."

"Never heard either."

"Well off course i would never tell you. They're the touchiest songs i know and they're old funeral music."

"That sounds lovely." Asuna

"Satisfied Mind. It is then" Nick says pulling out his guitar and beginning to play. Asuna thought it was proper and slowly went to fire the catapult. She made it to the refrain before braking down and crying shouting for nick to stop.
"What's wrong?"

"No. Not that song"

Jeff cleared his throat before singing. "You are the most beautiful dog. They call you Jabba the Hutt. Jabba the Hutt. For a reeeeeason."

Jonn hangs his head in mourning and starts to softly sing, " I had a little cheeseburger, he was my only friend."

"I took him to the picture house and loved him 'til the end."

A single tear runs down Jonn's cheek. "I had a venus fly trap, on my window sill."

"And he ate all the flies that came in my room."

Asuna who was still crying shouted at them.
"Shut up you morons. Do at least have the decency to repeat the dead?"

Snuff
"And who the hell is this guy?"
Turns back towards nick
then back towards jeff and now jon
then back at nick
"Please tell me my eyes are blurry and your friend Jeff didn't just multiply?"

"I'll take you on vith a blunt chainsaw because it's vhat you deserve!" Asuna then charges jeff in attempt to strangle him

Jonn hangs his head in (serious) mourning, now grasping the scope of death that just happened. "I'm sorry."

BAM! Jeff proceeded to slide to one side and swipe Asuna's legs out from under her with a kick. "I'm not. We told you to stay the hell out of the goddamn war zone we turned that castle into. You have nobody to blame but yourself."

"Time for a duel, don't you think Nick?" Jonn asks, growing an old-timey mustache and a 1940's radio voice.

"And you're Not!?!" she yelled on the floor pulling up her menu.

A few seconds later Jeff hub pinged with a dual to the death from Asuna.

Jonn is now wearing a top hat and suit. " All rightey folks step right up step right up we've got a really good show for ya today." (twirls mace like a cane.

Asuna's HUD received the 'Declined' message. "Committing suicide by Jeff is not a good way to go."

"Sorry folks, show's canceled, no refunds."

"Why would one more death matter to you" She shouts before stomping away. She turns once to yell, "Thank you for your company in this time of SARROW!" before darting off.

"Nailed the diplomancy check to get rid of our stalker. Booyah."

"The Hell Jeff." Nick stops himself and sighs pinching the brigade of his nose.
"I'm really made at you right now. That was probably the worst way for any one to handle that, but this is you we're talking about. So yeah you nailed the Diplomacy. You got to make her run away crying. Victory is yours jeff. Congrates. You have no one to blame but yourself if you accidentally a war."
Nick looks at the catapult and sees that all the embers have died.
"I'll get more wood."

"Thing is, Nick, most of the Knights don't even believe we exist. And even if they declare war anyway...honestly, we just rap them all smartly over the head and there we go. Plus we don't have an annoyingly moralistic woman hounding us constantly berating us for torturing that scumbag to death."